July 31, 2025

How Is IFS Different (and Similar) to Talk Therapy?

If you’re curious about Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy but hesitant because it sounds a bit “woo-woo,” you’re not alone. IFS might push you out of your comfort zone — but many find it a profoundly effective way to heal.

Traditional talk therapy often focuses on insight, behavior change, or learning coping strategies. IFS, or Internal Family Systems, takes a different path. Rather than aiming to manage symptoms, IFS focuses on healing the internal system that gives rise to them.

While it might seem counterintuitive, using coping skills without first acknowledging a part can sometimes feel dismissive to it, which may unintentionally increase the distress rather than relieve it.

Turning Toward the Anxiety, Not Away From It

Let’s say a part of you feels anxious. In IFS we assume the part isn’t making you aware of anxiety (through increased heart rate and sweaty palms, etc.) in order to get you to ignore it. Instead, the part wants your attention.

In IFS therapy, you turn toward your anxiety and get curious about it. We pause and ask: What does this anxious part need? What is it afraid of? Is it reacting to the present—or is it stuck in a memory from the past?

Through this process, you can cultivate self-compassion, curiosity, and insight, and develop trust between your Self and parts. Again, in IFS, you turn toward the anxiety rather than trying to silence it. You begin to build a relationship with your inner system.

Over time, once the part feels heard and supported, it may become more open to resourcing—or even offer its own ideas about what it needs—maybe a breathing exercise, a walk, or simply some reassurance. The key difference is that you’re not forcing the part to calm down; you’re building a relationship with it and working with it.

A New Way of Relating to Inner Experience

There’s a huge difference between:

“Shut up, anxiety! You’re ruining everything. Just breathe and calm down!”

and

“Hey, I see you’re scared about the upcoming performance review. I know how much we need that raise. I’m here with you. Want to do that breathing exercise we like?”

Yes, in IFS therapy, your therapist might encourage you to talk to yourself. No, this doesn’t mean you have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). IFS is grounded in the belief that we’re all made up of many parts—each with its own perspective, feelings, and needs.

And if you think about it, you probably already speak this way:

“A part of me really wants to go on that hike, but another part just wants to stay curled up on the couch.”

IFS helps make those parts conscious, visible, and connected to your core Self—the compassionate, calm, curious center within you.

Same Goal, Different Route

So while IFS may look different from traditional therapy on the surface, its goal is deeply familiar: healing, understanding, and wholeness. It just takes a different (and arguably more compassionate) route to get there.

For more information on IFS, visit https://ifs-institute.com

August 5, 2024

In our first session together, here’s what you can expect:

Legal Documentation and Policies:

• Confidentiality
  We’ll go over confidentiality and its importance in our sessions. I will explain that everything we discuss is private, with a few exceptions, such as if there is a risk of harm to yourself or others, or if there is a court order.
• Exceptions to Confidentiality
  I will outline the specific situations where confidentiality cannot be maintained, such as mandatory reporting of child abuse or elder abuse, or if there is an imminent threat to your safety or the safety of others.
• Cancellation Policy
  We will discuss my cancellation policy, including how much notice is required to cancel a session without incurring a fee and the process for rescheduling appointments.

Goals and Reasons for Therapy:

• We’ll spend some time discussing your goals for therapy. What brings you here? What do you hope to achieve? This helps us set a direction for our work together.

Your Communication Style:

• If you prefer to verbally process, I’ll give you the space to talk and guide our conversation with questions to help you explore your thoughts and feelings.
• If you find it harder to share, I’ll ask more questions to better understand what brings you to therapy. We’ll explore what you experience day-to-day, what challenges you face, and what you would like to better understand, change, or improve.

This initial session is about getting to know each other and starting to build a foundation for our therapeutic relationship. My aim is to create a safe and supportive environment where you feel comfortable sharing and exploring your thoughts and feelings.